I try to plan everything: work activities, hobbies and when I am going out. I plan so that I get things done. However, I never get everything on my list done and I just end up feeling bad about it. For years I have struggled to do the things that I used to enjoy, such as playing games and reading. I used to spend hours playing games but now I barely play them and when I do, I don’t play them for very long. I have finally realised why I think that I do this. When I was studying, I had to force myself to spend time on my work rather than doing things that I wanted to do such as playing games. Additionally, I have had trouble focusing on reading for years, often putting the television on in the background and muting it or reading in the breaks. My brain seems to still be in the mode that spending time doing things that I enjoy is not good and that there is always something more important that I should be doing. I think this is why I do not play games very much, why I feel distracted when I do play them and why I put off playing them because I feel like I should be doing something else. I am not sure why I have trouble reading but I think it must be because of this reason and my mental health. However, when I get to the part of the book where things are really interesting and fast paced, I can easily spend a whole day reading a mass of the book, I guess this is because I am enjoying it so much that my mind is distracted enough to be fully immersed in the book.
So, I am going to stop planning every little thing. I am going to stop thinking about what I think I should be doing. I will still plan work-related things but not hobbies. I am going to spend my free time doing whatever hobby comes to my mind and I am going to think ‘there is not anything else more important to be doing, it is still productive as it is relaxing, so enjoy it’. Hopefully, my mindset will change.
Have you had any similar experiences?
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